Perfect-Ruined

30: Perfect-Ruined

Fiona and Jane sat together quietly in the kitchen both processing the stresses of their day. Fee moved to begin cleaning up her late lunch and poured two glasses of wine, smiling. She was deep in thought. Jane watched her. She was entranced by the beauty of her contemplation. She could tell her mind was still tumbling through the upcoming challenges her company would face.

"I just can't believe it." Fiona sipped the wine and looked out over the water. "How could he? It's not just the company and the money. The kids? The girls? How could he?" Her voice was thick with sorrow and distress. "How could I not have any idea?"

"Fee, this isn't on you in any way. I know that it's in your nature to want to see good in everyone and everything. It's part of your beauty. I hope that never changes. But sometimes the "good" is completely eclipsed by something very different." Jane could see Fee's eyes cloud with consideration. She looked up at Jane and stared for a moment, looking at her, studying her. "Fiona, would you like to ask me a question?"

Fee hesitated,"Yes, but I'm not sure how I'll feel about the answer." Jane nodded, understanding where the conversation was going. "Jane, you have had experience with the most flawed, unkind, and vile elements of humanity, haven't you?"

Jane flinched subtly, her past with the Post Office strobing through her thoughts. Fiona did not miss the sharp pain reflected in Jane's eyes and body language. "Yes." Jane carefully controlled the tenor of her voice trying to ease the growing anxiety in Fiona's voice. "Unfortunately, I have."

"You can't talk about those specific times, can you?"

"No. I cannot."

"How about in general?"

"You may ask Fiona, you know the rules." Jane held her breath.

"You have seen suffering." Jane nodded. "Have you suffered?" Jane just barely nodded. Fiona felt her throat closing at the thought of the woman in any kind of pain. "Can you tell me?"

Jane felt a burning in her eyes and tightness in her body. She could process physical pain relatively easily but she was feeling the building of emotional anguish. She whispered, her voice barely audible. "Fiona ... "

Fee could see Jane's eyes tighten with emotion. "Okay, you don't have to tell me." Fiona took a slow deep breath, "How about, have you been a part of the cause of suffering?"

Jane's eyes widened, Fiona's second question no less difficult. Jane realized that the line of questioning was hurtling toward a point of no return and she wouldn't be able to stop it. Fee returned her gaze, waiting patiently for response. Jane took a breath to focus. "Fiona, I have operated in a world that doesn't like to see grey. Often the things I have witnessed or participated in have been compartmentalized to an extraordinary degree." Fiona looked confused. "What I mean to say is, it's possible that my involvement in an operation had consequences on a wider scale and scope that I would not have been aware of. But in my line of work asking questions isn't necessarily what keeps you alive."

"Have you ever killed anyone?"

Jane thought she'd be prepared for the question from Fiona but she found it heartbreaking and unsettling to think that Fee would know this about her. "Fee ... " Jane could see Fiona's eyes widen as she waited to hear what she already knew. "My job is complicated and dangerous. There are constant threats, there are very, very bad people out there. They do unspeakable things." She could see Fiona's body begin to tremble and tears forming in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered,"I know that what I do comes at a high cost. I wish you didn't know this about me." Jane dropped her eyes, staring at the space between them. She didn't want to see Fiona look at her like she was a monster once she spoke the truth. "I guess I've compartmentalized that part of me so I could function in my life. But at the end of the day I have taken ... lives."

"I know that is not what you want to hear." Jane's voice was strained, "I am so sorry." Jane's voice began to crack and emotion overwhelmed her, "I told you, I am not a good person." Jane caught movement from across the counter. She looked up and saw Fiona moving to her, her face filled with emotion and tears spilling over.

In a swift movement she stepped in embracing Jane, burying her head in her hair and neck. "I am so sorry, Jane," she whispered, her voice soothing and filled with sadness. "I am so sorry you have to carry that with you." Her body and arms wrapped around Jane like a heavy blanket of compassion. "I'm so sorry you suffer in that way."

Jane's heart and mind rocked with emotion. She wasn't expecting Fiona's complete and unconditional empathy. It was jarring. Jane slipped her arms around Fee letting her cheek rest on her shoulder. Within moments Jane felt her walls begin to crumble. She felt powerful waves of emotion that shook her body and the release of tears that had been there waiting to break free for years. She trembled almost uncontrollably in a wash of both love and awe. She let herself go, she let herself hurt, she let herself feel, deeply. Jane leaned back creating enough space for her to search Fiona's eyes. The green seas were filled with a tenderness that resonated through Jane.

Jane realized that at that moment she had become Fiona's. Fiona's limitless compassion claimed her in a way that no other person could ever do. Jane felt dizzy. Epiphany strobed through her body and there was no denying, no wordsmithing, no other explanation. She loved her.

"I'm glad I know this about you. It's a heavy burden to bear alone. I won't pretend to understand your life. I won't hold judgement over you. I just want to help you feel less pain."

Jane looked into Fiona's eyes and smiled softly, finally finding her voice, "You're perfect Fiona. I think you have ruined me for anyone else." Fiona grinned at the reference and kissed Jane softly and lovingly drinking her in, easing her pain. Jane kissed her back. Falling into Fiona, making a deep connection. She broke the kiss and Jane felt the emotional unsteadiness that she had come to not only welcome but to need, desperately.

"Jane." Fee's voice was thick with both desire and affection. "I'm not perfect, but please let me take some of that pain away." She stepped away pulling Jane with her back to the bedroom.

----

Jane found herself gently falling backwards into the bed, Fiona pursuing her and forcing her deeper into the soft sheets and pillows. Fee moved up Jane's body, her lips and mouth found the soft skin below Jane's ear, tasting and sucking deeply. Jane knew at that moment she had lost herself completely in Fee. "Fee," Jane's voice was filled with love and laced with need. "You are perfect, you're perfect for me, everything about you."

Fiona pulled back and gazed into Jane's blue-grey eyes, she smiled and murmured. "Please, please Jane, let me. Please let me be here for you." She didn't wait for an answer. Fiona used her mouth to pull Jane in demanding all that the woman had to give. She framed her face with her hands gently deepening the kiss. Her lips and tongue explored every part of Jane's mouth, filling the space, stroking evenly, tasting her. Fee felt the usually composed woman trembling and shaking beneath her. Fee's eyes rolled with pleasure.

Slowly Fee and Jane shifted removing each other's shirts and slipping off clothes as they concentrated on maintaining physical contact. Every touch, taste, searing through them, escalating in intensity. Jane's need was building in a way she had not experienced before. She gasped, becoming unraveled, "Fiona ... "

Fee pushed Jane back into the pillows and hesitated for just a moment before she took Jane's breasts into her mouth and hands. She was fascinated by the soft flesh and Jane's quickly hardening nipples. As she sucked, pulled, and bit into her gently she heard Jane moan with ecstasy and felt her hips rise. Fee felt a wash of power and grinned into Jane's flesh.

Jane could feel her skin dampen with need and her core quiver with desire. Fee moved with confidence, torturing her belly and hips with deep sucking tongue kisses, pulling with her teeth, and bruising her skin. Fiona pulled and shimmied until both she and Jane's naked bodies tangled in the sheets.

As Fiona moved over Jane's body, studying and exploring every part she realized that Jane was covered with scars. The breaks in her skin had healed and lightened but Fiona's eyes dilated and she winced softly at the number of marks she saw. Fiona paused in her movements pushing up slightly and finding Jane's eyes. Her voice was now saturated with desire, compassion, and pain. "Jane? What happened to you? Who hurt you?"

Fiona didn't wait for or expect an answer. She returned her focus to Jane's body gently caressing her skin, kissing the scars softly. The compassion in her hands, lips, and tongue lit Jane on fire. Fiona stopped moving for a moment, she murmured into Jane's skin softly, "I'm going to help you forget."

She dropped in between Jane's legs and she could smell Jane's desire and feel heat rolling off of her. She leaned pressing her lips into the soft skin surrounding Jane's core. Jane whimpered, her hips rocked up chasing Fee's mouth. Fee tentatively took Jane into her mouth and tasted her, she rolled her pearl with her tongue. She pulled back and her hot breath crossed over Jane's sensitive skin. She whispered with desire and satisfaction,"You're ... intoxicating."

At the sound of Jane's gasp, Fee opened her mouth and deeply French kissed Jane's flesh, sliding and plunging her tongue deeper into the woman. She sucked and pulled with perfect pressure, drinking her in. The sensation of feeling Jane's body responding and hearing her whimpering with ecstasy was overwhelming for Fiona. She let herself go, unafraid and undeterred.

Jane cried out in sweet agony, throwing her hands into linens trying desperately to hang on. Jane's body was seizing with pleasure. She lost herself in the moment. She concentrated on hanging onto Fiona, anchoring herself into the woman. She released herself and willingly surrendered control.

Fee's body shook with desire as she felt Jane's need and frustration rise. Fiona pulled slightly back drawing the flat of her tongue to the length of Jane's core and then pressing into her with her fingers she began to curl them slowly inside Jane. Fee shifted her weight matching Jane's rhythmic movements. She used Jane's natural tempo to guide the steady movements of her hand and her mouth. She moved inside Jane and felt the heat rising and sensitive flesh responding. Fee moved her mouth up sucking and biting the soft flesh just inside her hip bone she uttered breathlessly, "You feel amazing."

Jane heard the lust and satisfaction in Fee's voice and her hands dug deeper into the sheets, her walls seized and tightened around Fee's fingers as her hips bucked uncontrollably. She gasped arching her back in a wave of climax and orgasm that stunned her and left her panting and completely undone.

Fiona felt Jane's release and her body shook with pleasure. She moved up letting her body slide along Jane's hanging on to sexual experience for as long as she could. She buried her face in Jane's hair and neck, spooning her body and listening to her breathing regulate. It wasn't long before she drifted off to blissful sleep.