Chapter 43: Studying

I leave his house only after he's asleep. When I get home, my parents immediately approach me.

"Todd? Where did you go? Did anything happen?"

"I went to a friend's house. They had a problem."

"A school problem?"

"Yeah, with their project. I went to help them, and we just finished." I don't know why I'm using neutral pronouns, I only have one friend.

"Alright. Are you sure everything's okay, sweetie?" my mom asks.

I nod. "Everything's okay now."

My parents share a look, and I'm immediately concerned.

"What is it?"

My dad starts in a hesitant tone. "Todd, we're just a bit... worried. With how much you're hanging out with your friend. Are you still... studying?"

I blink. "Yes. Why? Did I get a bad grade?"

"No, of course not," my mom immediately reassures me. "You're doing great, sweetie. We're just concerned that you're spending so much time with your friend, that you might not have enough time left for yourself."

"And when you talk about having time for myself, you really mean studying," I say, narrowing my eyes.

"Studying is very important," my dad says. "It's the key to school. There's no shortcut, just paying attention in class and studying."

"I know. And I am studying. My grades are still 100%," I say, trying to sound like I'm agreeing with them instead of arguing.

"But your... new habits, could, over time, deplete your understanding of the concepts to a point where you do begin to receive lower grades. And what happens if all those little gaps in understanding don't get filled in before your diplomas?"

"There aren't any gaps in my understanding. I'm still studying. I'm just not studying here."

My dad presses his lips together, and I know I've crossed some sort of line. Something in my tone? Did I not sound agreeable enough and too much like I was protesting? I didn't immediately agree to start religiously studying all day, every day, maybe?

"Todd, we haven't wanted to do something like this, and we haven't had to, because this hasn't been a problem before."

He looks at my mom, and she gives me an apologetic, but firm look. "I'm sorry, sweetie, but we're making it a rule that you come right home after school and study until dinner."

What? I stare at them, sure that they can't be serious. I'm 18; they can't force me to come home immediately after school and study until dinner- which is when they get home. "You want to force me to study for six hours every single day."

"You're exaggerating-"

"I'm not exaggerating! Dinner is six hours after I get home from school! Six hours!"

"If it keeps your grades up-"

"My grades are up! They are all 100%! I am at the top of every single class, I haven't scored anything lower than triple digits this entire year! Nothing has changed!"

"It could!" my dad yells back at me, and I recoil a little. "Do you know how hard your mother and I work every single day to put food on the table for you? We want you to be able to have a better life than this when you grow up, we don't want you to have to work like a dog for the rest of your life! Studying for six hours a day is nothing, compared to the sixteen hours that we work!"

I swallow, feeling tears pricking at my eyes. "So I can't even have friends? I can't even be happy? I'm just supposed to be a mess of loneliness and anxiety, because my parents are gone all day and won't let me do anything but study because they work constantly so I should too? I'm an adult now, why can't I make my own decisions?"

My mom sighs, and my dad still looks furious. I slip past them both and go to my room.

It feels like I cry for hours, but it's really only one. I just hate the idea of losing this one good thing that I have in my life- Henry. The one person who seems to actually see me, actually wants to see me. The one person that treats me like I'm special, and makes me feel so many emotions. The one person I'm constantly terrified of losing- I used to think that he was the only one who could take himself away from me, but now my parents are threatening our friendship too?

And I can't even say that I've fully enjoyed whatever Henry and I have had. I'm constantly holding myself back, scared that he's going to drop me at any second, even though he's shown me truths about himself that people at school don't even know exist. He's shown me himself, and I've let him open me up to the joyous possibility of living- and now I don't want to close that off again. I can't imagine life without his vibrancy, the bursts of spontaneity and emotion.

It's not that I've stopped studying, either- I'm still finishing all my assignments light-years ahead of anyone else, and my 100% average hasn't wavered even a bit. I still study after school on days when I don't do home with him, though admittedly not as vigorously as before. But I feel confident in my knowledge, and the practice tests that I've started taking more often than studying reflect that (with 100%, every time).

There's a knock at my door, and my parents come in. I look at them tiredly, wondering if they're going to tell me that their new policy is non-debatable or to hammer out some last rules, such as homework doesn't count and should be done after dinner, further chaining me to a life of schoolwork and misery.

They sit on either side of me, which means they're going to go for the understanding, sympathetic play. Where they try to make me see their side and feel bad for them.

"Sweetie, we've thought over your arguments, and you raised some very good points."

Here it comes. 'But...'

"So we've decided to propose a compromise."

What? Yes. Before even knowing the terms. Any compromise is better than none. And those seem to be my only two options.

My dad takes over. "Since you still are receiving 100% on everything, it doesn't seem quite fair to impose the studying rule just yet. So, as soon as your grades start to slip, it'll go into effect, to make sure that you don't start falling behind, and you can get a handle on whatever the problem is before you get overwhelmed."

I nod. "Alright. So... as soon as I don't get 100%, I have to start studying six hours a day, every day after school."

"Yes. Do you think that's fair?"

No. I think that they should let me decide when I'm falling behind and need to study more to catch up. I don't say that, though, because that'll only make them revoke the offer. "Yeah, I can agree to that."

"We're glad to hear that. Now, get some rest."

And with that, they're gone, and my soul has been sold for the price of an undefined period of freedom.

I tell him about all this the next day at school. He looks furious.

"Your parents want you to study for six hours daily? Every day? That's practically slavery!"

"It's not slavery. It's fine, nothing's going to change unless I get a mark lower than 100%."

"That's still unfair, Todd."

"You think I don't know that? I'm 18, they should be letting me have a little freedom in my own life."

"Yeah. And giving you an ultimatum isn't fair, either. That's just holding something over your head- and it's not even something they should be allowed to hold over your head. According to John Locke, life and liberty are both natural rights that cannot be taken from any person in any way- they can't even be given up willingly. And your parents are trying to take both away- well, life in the metaphorical sense."

I think I might be staring at him a little. It's so attractive when he starts talking in terms of the things he's really educated on, because he just sounds so intelligent. He gives me a small smirk.

"You know, if this rule does ever kick into effect, I could just come home with you. Buy a Mario Kart for your room and play while you study. And what about weekends? I could have you on weekends. Ooh, and they never said what you had to study. You could study Mario Kart."

I roll my eyes. "If they found out, I'd be toast."

"But they wouldn't have to."

The bell rings, signalling first period. We're already in the classroom (people are whispering about our relationship status again) but I get out my notebook and pencil.

When the lecture starts, I take detailed notes and focus studiously. Anything I can do to avoid invoking the 'studying rule'.

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