Chapter 5

A/N: Alright, I am not going to cut smut out of books completely. I will limit the amount though. From now on, unless I come up with a good idea that involves hella smut (*insert bxb trop* with benefits), there will not be more than 4 smut scenes. I don't like spoiling things (actually I do I can't just keep my ideas to myself) but here's what I will confirm for any future books. There will be one switch scene in every book I write. It's just fun. If I really decide that more smut is better for a plot, I will go with that, but the way this book is going to go there will be at least 2 smut scenes, more likely 3. Anyways, thanks for reading!!!

Derek's POV

Adrian noticed I had been staring at him for a couple minutes.

I couldn't really help it. He's attractive obviously. Like, super attractive type shit. That's not all the reason I was staring at him. Seeing him be proud of his sexuality is something that I wish I could be proud of. I don't know if he might be facing hate because of it, but if he is, he's hiding that from everyone else pretty well. He still has a pretty smile on his face most of the time, and he's talking to Kai's friend Julian about the pride club.

I wish I was proud of my sexuality because God knows I'm not and I can't be. I'd just be shamed by my mom who hates gay people so much. I really hate that. I wish I could just be open about everything in my life.

I'm gonna try to keep putting on my straight persona and making sure that Adrian isn't gonna out me, but I don't want to still. He's such a good person and it's not his fault that he had to walk in on me fucking that one random.

We continue to surf for around 1 more hour, and then we all just sit down in the beach with Kai's friends. They're all a year older than us and they all go to UCLA as well.

"Hey, nice to meet you, Derek, right?" Julian walks up to me, shaking my hand.

I smile at him kind of and shake his hand back. "Yeah. I'm Derek. You're Julian, right?"

"Yeah. It's great to meet you. You're the only one out of all of them that was a decent surfer. Have you surfed before?" he asks me, sitting down next to me.

"No. I haven't surfed before. I don't know what it was, I guess it was just natural," I answer.

"That's pretty cool. I might see you around UCLA, but maybe not often because I'm a year older than you guys so we'll probably take different classes."

"Yeah. I'll see you around hopefully."

He's pretty cool. He's also hot as fuck. I don't love guys with black hair that much, but he is on a different level of fine. I like guys with brown hair or blonde hair, but black hair is a little too dark of hair for me.

Clearly, Adrian and Julian are getting along well. I kind of have a feeling that they like each other. They're definitely into each other actually, there should be no doubt about that. Adrian seems tense, and I know people get tense around people they are attracted to. Julian is kind of blatantly flirting with him too, he's definitely into Adrian.

We all go back inside and I take a nap which I kind of needed. It was so fucking hot outside but I got my tan up even better. I'm glad Kai and Jax have the air conditioner on full blast in here, because otherwise it would be hell. I love California, but I don't love how fucking hot it gets in the summer. At least it's more of a dry heat instead of a humid heat like it was in Boston. That shit was complete hell for me.

When I wake up from my nap, my head is hurting like crazy. "Fuck," I say to myself under my breath. This shit is uncomfortable as hell. I need to fucking get water right now. I hate headaches because I basically can't function for a few hours after getting one.

I reach to the bedside table, grabbing my water bottle, but noticing that it's completely empty. I take a deep breath, making sure that I'm not about to scream my lungs out in agony, and sit up. We're not supposed to drink water from the bathroom sinks, there's a special tap water faucet in the kitchen, so I have to go downstairs and get water.

I stand up, look around, and everything around me is super disorienting. Somehow I feel taller, the ground looks farther from me, but I know I couldn't have grown in like an hour.

I leave my room, walking down the stairs and gripping the rail so I don't fall over if I happen to pass out. I feel dizzy too, everything just feels horrible.

"Derek, you good bro?" DeShaun asks me, noticing my current state.

"I'm fine," I lie. "I just need to get some water."

"Did you drink a bunch of alcohol or something?" he asks.

"No. I don't know what's wrong."

"Okay."

I go to the kitchen, where Adrian is making himself a smoothie and is standing in front of the sink. He's in my way but I also don't want to make this awkward by asking him to move.

"Am I in your way?" he asks, realizing I'm right behind him.

I nod at him and he moves.

"Sorry about that," he says. I could really try to hate Adrian but there's honestly nothing that could make me hate him. He's so nice and he's good at what he does.

"It's fine," I say, not facing him.

He finishes making his smoothie and leaves the kitchen. He really did put on muscle and he looks really good. He tanned as well, he looks good.

I realize too late that I'm staring and Adrian turns around and smiles at me kind of awkwardly. I snap out of it and glare at him. He's taken aback, diverting his gaze back to the TV in front of him. His hair is really nice too.

I get the water I needed, taking a massive chug of it, quickly running out of breath after not breathing for a few seconds. I top off my water and begin walking back to my room, probably to just chill in there for a few more minutes.

"Hey Julian!" Adrian says from the couch enthusiastically.

My attention is immediately put back onto Adrian, talking to a guy he is clearly very attracted to, as well as the guy being attracted to him pretty clearly.

"Yeah," Adrian says. I wish I could hear what Julian is saying on the other side of the line. "I agree, I don't really like him either."

I hope he's not talking about me. I really hope he's not talking about me. To be honest though, he has every right to dislike me at the moment. I haven't done that much yet, but I've been a dick to him recently. I'm glaring at him, not talking to him, I'm just being an overall asshole to him.

"I know right? Just all around terrible," Adrian replies to whatever the fuck Julian said to him.

"Derek, what are you doing just chilling on the stairs?" Jax comes out of nowhere and scares me.

"Jesus Christ! Sorry, I have a headache and I'm being slow right now," I answer.

"Oh okay, I hope you're gonna be okay."

"Thanks."

I make my way back to my room, closing the door behind me and thinking for a while. Should I really still care about what my mom thinks about me? I'm not living with her anymore, thank fucking God, but I'm still definitely not comfortable with people knowing. That's probably why I'm being so hostile to Adrian right now.

I don't know why I should still care though, that's a serious question. I think my mom has put so much pressure on me to be what she wants me to be, which is a straight football player, which is exactly what she thinks I am. She likes the way I am, most of the punishments she used to hand out to me were because of me misbehaving, not because of the way I am. I have a feeling she might actually love me, only because I'm her son and she thinks I'm what she wants me to be.

As much as I want to tell myself that I don't care what she thinks about me, that's obviously not true. I want her to approve of me even if that means I'm unhappy.

As much as I want to tell myself that I hate her, I know that's not true. She's my mother, and she has done some pretty bitchy things before but nothing that has made me completely want to switch families.

I wish I had a father figure to guide me through my high school years. I was still able to get phenomenal grades through the years, I could still get any girl I wanted even though I didn't want any girlfriend. Even if a father figure just gave me tips on how to get a girlfriend, I could use that to get a boyfriend.

That would still not really be beneficial for me. My mom, like I've said many times, is super homophobic and would disown me like crazy. That's why wanting Cam to be with me was never a realistic thing to happen. Even though he is attracted to men, he's with the man that he loves and I'm happy for him.

There's nothing that can possibly shake Cam and Aaron's relationship. For fuck's sake, Cam has no communication with his actual family anymore because he wanted to be with Aaron. I wish I could have a love story as sweet as theirs.

"Derek, you okay in there?" Aaron asks through the door. "Jax told me you have a terrible headache."

I get off the bed and open the door, letting Aaron in. He smiles at me and sits down on a chair in the corner of the room.

"Yeah, I'm alright. Thanks for asking. I just got a headache after I took a nap. I think I just needed some water. I'm alright now."

"That's good. You ready for college? Who's your roommate?" Aaron asks me.

I grin at this. I'm actually kind of excited for college because of my roommate. "My roommate is DeShaun, I'm excited for that whole situation."

"Nice. I just wanted to check up on you, you've been damn near silent for the last couple days, is everything okay?" Aaron asks.

"Yeah. Everything's fine."

"You know you can talk to me, right? I won't judge you or anything, you can tell me whatever you want to tell me."

"Thanks. Well, I kind of do have to say something," I tell him.

"Tell me," Aaron smiles.

"Okay. Well, this might be a weird question, but have you ever had your heart broken?"

"Yeah. Twice. The first time was Jason, that was really something that was slowly decomposing me in late junior year. The second time was Cam actually, in like mid December of last year, Cam found out that Devin knew about the two of us and Cam left me. I was sinking so low in terms of my mental health. I think me, Cam, and Devin were the only people that saw me and Cam getting more and more depressed daily, but I went back for Cam and now we're happy," Aaron rambles. If only he knew that his boyfriend is the reason my heart is kinda broken.

"How did you deal with it?" I ask.

"Well, don't do what I did. Don't mope around and wait until it's almost too late to try to get them back, just go for it. That's what Jason told me after I told him about Cam, but I didn't really act on it. Cam was about to act on it during winter break, but he never did because he got confused by me and Jason sitting together."

"What if that's not an option? Like, how do I cope with it?"

"Hmm. What's the context of this heartbreak?" Aaron questions.

I'm gonna lie about what gender the person that broke my heart was so no more questions come up. "She's with a different guy now," I say.

"Was your heart completely broken, like you were with this girl before and she ditched you to be with a different guy?"

"No, I was probably gonna ask her out at some point if I gained enough confidence, but we were never together."

"Well, just be happy for her. Be happy that she did find someone, and just know that you'll find that as well. I have no doubt in the world that you will find someone that loves you for who you are, as well as your looks. I'll tell you right now, because I know Cam won't get jealous, but you're a very attractive guy and I've always thought that. I never acted on that because you're my best friend, but you're a catch," Aaron tells me and I smile weakly at him.

"Thanks, Aaron."

"No problem. Is that what was bothering you?"

"Yeah. It happened a little bit ago, but I feel like over time it's gotten worse and worse for me mentally," I say.

"That happens. Jason broke my heart, I still consider him a close friend, and I hope to death that he's found someone that loves him. Everyone deserves love, and you're no exception. You're a great guy and you deserve to be happy. Don't worry, you will find it easier than others."

"Thanks bro," I say.

"No problem," Aaron says, standing up and leaving.

If he doesn't make it to the NFL, which is unlikely, he's really good, therapy would not be a bad career option. He knows how to make someone feel better about themselves.

Adrian's POV

Me and Julian were talking about some terrible music artists on the phone for a little bit. He's pretty cool and I like him a lot. As far as my eyes can tell, he's into me as well, which is a pretty cool thing. I'll probably join the pride club too, that seems like a decent idea.

We're only gonna be here for a couple more days. Now I kind of wish I was here longer because this has been a fun ass trip. Derek hasn't been that horrible to me yet, and if I stayed here Julian totally could've been my summer fling. We're both going to UCLA now though, so I could make it a longer term relationship.

If only I had the guts to make a move.

So far from the small amount of enjoyable interactions that I've had with Julian, he seems like a respectful person. He seems like the kind of person that I would enjoy dating. He's older than me, and I kind of have a feeling that he wants me to make the first move so that he knows he can be with me.

I don't know why I have that feeling, but it's just a weird feeling I have. I think he knows boundaries as well.

"Yo, Adrian, what do you want for dinner?" Devin asks me.

"Are we getting takeout from somewhere or is someone cooking?" I question.

"Kai is cooking tonight. We have a lot of ingredients, he can make basically anything."

"Oh. I trust him to make something good, anything is fine."

"Okay, thanks," Devin walks away, back towards the kitchen.

I decide to get off my ass and walk outside, sitting down on a big chair on the balcony looking out onto the beach. It's so fucking pretty out here, but it's also hot as hell. Luckily there are umbrellas and shit out here so I can cover myself.

The sliding glass door opens, revealing Julian, smiling at me as he takes a seat next to me on the big chair.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, hopefully not rudely.

"Kai invited us all over for dinner, we just came over early. I think he's making lobsters."

"Damn, lobsters? I didn't know he could cook that well."

Julian laughs. "Yeah, same. I thought he would just make us all mac and cheese."

"It probably wouldn't be bad. I know Kai has crazy spice tolerance, he's the only one that didn't cry when we put a bunch of hot sauce on wings. He had damn near no reaction to it." That was such a traumatizing experience. It was towards the end of the year, after we won the championship game, and all of us were dying. Jax was scraping his tongue off.

"Yeah. I've seen him dump a whole bottle of Tapatio on a burrito. He had no reaction."

"I would turn red immediately. I have a decent spice tolerance, better than most white people, but that much is just crazy."

"He said it tasted really good, so maybe I should try it at some point," Julian says. Maybe I should try to build up my spice tolerance. I want to be able to go to a restaurant and get something spicy instead of some random mild sauce.

"Yeah, that actually sounds like it could be good."

"So, you're gonna join the pride club?"

"Yeah, I think I really will. It sounds like it can't be terrible, and if you're part of it, I'll already know someone there," I answer.

"Do you think Aaron and Cam would want to join?"

"I don't think so. They probably do get some hate, but just look at them. They're so unbothered. They love each other too much to give a shit, I mean, Cam's dad is super homophobic and Cam barely thinks or talks about him anymore because he has Aaron now, and that's enough for him. It's really fucking cute. I should tell you the story, they're letting us tell it because they think it's a good story," I ramble.

"Tell me what happened, because they are a really cute couple."

"Okay. Well, from sophomore year to junior year, they hated each other. Like, they despised each other so much. Our offense was dysfunctional half the time because of them. By themselves, they were super talented and had the potential to be great, but their pointless beef got in the way of them really reaching that potential."

They really did fucking hate each other, it was kind of crazy to see two people hate each other so much. There was barely any room for reconciliation either, shit just went down in a way that made them have to get along.

"Anyways, they fought each other physically multiple times. After one game, our coach made the two of them stay back and talk to each other, and instead of talking, they ended up having sex," I state, grimacing.

"That's where all of that started?" Julian looks surprised. "I expected them to have a sweet story."

"Yeah. When they revealed themselves, I thought it would be sweet, but instead, it was just fuckbuddies falling in love. In December, they uhh, I guess, broke up. Again, they were never dating, they were just fucking all the time. Both of them got extremely depressed after this, and I kind of saw that in Cam. I found him sleeping in his car once, and he was not doing well. I didn't think much of it, he's like that sometimes because of his asshole family, but this was worse than anything I've seen in him before."

"Why'd they break up?"

"Devin revealed to Cam that he knew about the two of them, as well as Aaron knowing that Devin knew about them."

"Cam left Aaron for that?" Julian seems confused.

"Yeah, but you don't really know the whole story. Cam's family is white trash, they hate gay people and Cam was not ready to come out. He left because he was so taken aback by the fact that someone else knew about them. Anyways, his family eventually found out that he likes dudes, and they kicked him out of their house. He moved into his brother's dorm room, got kicked out of there as well, and Aaron found him right before Cam was about to be forced to live in his car."

"Is this where the story gets sweet?"

"Yeah. This is where all of it gets nice and sappy. Cam moved in with Aaron, they didn't start dating for about 2 months, and then they started dating, and I could tell something about both of them changed. They both seemed happier than I'd ever seen either of them. When we won the championship game, they kissed each other in front of everyone, revealing themselves and were immediately the cutest couple in the school," I finish the story.

"Wow. That's storybook type shit."

"I know, right?"

The sliding door opens, and Kai walks out, shirt off and apron on looking finer than ever. "Dinner is ready guys, come take a seat."

Both me and Julian stare at him for a moment, not really processing what he just told us. Kai is hot as fuck, his skin is so perfect, his hair is so perfect, everything about him screams dream boyfriend type shit.

"Did you hear me?" he asks.

"Yeah, sorry, we'll go inside," I speak up first, getting out of my daydream.

"Alright."

Me and Julian both walk in, sitting down on opposite sides of the table. I'm sitting next to Aaron who is sitting across from Cam, and DeShaun who is sitting across from Derek. I'm looking at three hot as fuck guys while I have to eat. Let's just say my appetite tonight will not be a problem at all.

Kai brings out the lobsters, and they look really good.

"Are you sure you cooked these right?" Jax asks his best friend.

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did. One of you puking would be a good way to know if I didn't," Kai says and everyone goes dead silent, scared to eat any of the lobster. "I'm just kidding, I know I cooked it right, I've cooked lobster a lot."

"How come I've never had any?" Jax questions.

"Because you're not at my house for every meal of your life bro."

"I guess so."

We start eating, and I can't help but stare at Julian and Derek, the two guys in my life that I find the most attractive. There are major differences in the way they act though.

I look over at Julian, and he smiles at me, and I look over at Derek, and he glares at me. Clearly, one of them wants to spend time with me more than the other, and I'm fine with that. If I shoot two shots and go 1 for 2, I'm still hitting one shot. Derek will still be the first man I ever fell in love with, even if he didn't know.

After dinner, we kind of just sit around at the table, yapping about random bullshit.

"So, Kai, how'd you get into college with your shitty grades?" Harrison, one of his surfer friends, asks Kai.

Kai looks at him unamused. "I have good grades. I might not seem like a super smart person, but I know shit. I'm academically smart."

"Sure."

"Do you want me to show you my grades? Because I'll show you my fucking grades," Kai says.

"I'm just kidding bro, I believe you," Harrison recants.

"You better be lil bro. You don't want this smoke."

"Do you guys think you'll be starting next season?" Julian asks and we all kind of collectively shrug. I really don't know, we're all freshmen, it's hard to tell. We'll all be starting by the end of college, that's for sure.

Cam speaks up for all of us. "I think Devin has the best chance of starting. Last year, their linebacker core was awful and Devin is the best player I've ever played on the same team as."

"Thank you, Cameron," Devin says, nodding at his friend.

"What about me?" Aaron fakes being annoyed.

"You're amazing too, babe, don't worry," Cam puts an arm around Aaron and Aaron smiles.

"I think Adrian could start, Cam might start, we honestly all have a decent chance, the entire team was awful last year, so fresh players are kind of what they need," Devin says.

"Are you guys starting on the baseball team?" DeShaun asks.

"I am, I'm the first string pitcher," Julian says. Damn, he's a super talented athlete as well, not just a normal athlete. He just continues to impress me.

"The rest of us are backups right now, but when the season starts, we might take the starting jobs because of the players that graduated," Harrison says.

"Nice," DeShaun replies. None of know shit about baseball, so we're probably not going to a single game of theirs.

Julian, Harrison, and the rest of them leave and the rest of us put away our dishes, and they all vote that Derek should wash the dishes.

"Adrian, do you mind grabbing that last plate?" Kai asks me and I nod.

"Yeah, no problem."

I get the plate, scraping it in the kitchen trash and putting it in the sink next to the rest of the dishes that Derek is cleaning.

"Here," I say.

I get no answer. He just continues to wash the dishes. I'm not gonna question this, I understand if he doesn't want to talk to me.

A/N: This has been really difficult to write because I really don't know where I want to go with this plot so far. I'm trying (and failing so far) to make this another enemies to lovers book, but I can't really just manifest these two hating each other. It's not gonna be a fuckbuddies book by the way, if it does become enemies to lovers, it will still be slow burn. Thanks for reading!!!